Parenting Deciphered: A Parenting Blog

In 1980 Adele Faber, an internationally acclaimed, award-winning expert on adult-child communication and her colleague Elaine Mazlich published their book titled “ How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk” . They started the first page of their book saying “ I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problem with theirs...then I had three of my own.” In that same fashion I would say, “Before I had children I learnt numerous theories and research findings about child development and human development as a part of my Masters in Child Development and Ph.D in Family Social Science but then I had children and couldn’t think of a single one of those that would fit”! It felt like going shopping for baby clothes before the baby is born and then once that bundle of joy arrives, realizing that not a single one of those pre-bought outfit fits her!

It feels a cliché to say that a family is ‘born’ the minute you hold that first little munchkin in your hands and with each new baby the family gets reborn. Someone has said, “Each child is born into a new family”. By this they mean that the first child brings certain dynamics to the family and once a second child comes along those dynamics change again rendering you to face a totally new family system! Similarly when one child or a parent leaves the family system, personal relationship dynamics again change and you might face a totally new family system. This adjusting and readjusting might be sometimes full of anger or grief (like in case of a divorce or death) or joy and curiosity (like in birth or adoption) and it might be that and more as one goes through years and years of parenting. The rollercoaster ride of happiness, guilt, anger, fear, peace, anxiety….unending array of emotions has no ending in sight. Even if you are eighty five and your child is fifty years old you still wonder if he is doing well, is he in pain? or give unwanted advice and expect reciprocities.

I can go on and on about why I started writing these reflections or why I felt I should put them together in the form of this blog but for now I will just say, my kids are now ten and thirteen years old. Having gone through sleepless infant years, terrible twos, trying threes, fearsome fours, funny fives…I think you get the idea…I have survived the ‘too old for juice box tens’ and ‘don’t hug me in public elevens’ and ‘taller than you, mom! twelevs’. As my first born turned 13 this year, I sensed that the ball is now in their court and they have started telling me that I am in my ‘forgetful forties’! So before I lose it I want to do this one service to the parentkind…help get the parenting jargon straight!